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I DRINK YOU NOT

A short study on human interactions

 

Alcohol is often the core around which many conversations on Tinder, or any dating site really, revolve. Be it for arranging to go out for drinks or enquire about one’s favourite cocktail, most of us safely assume that drinking is socially acceptable and somewhat cool.

Luke, 22

I’m not as think as you drunk I am

INTRODUCTIONS
Max,19

Beard is real. Aspiring town drunk

LIFE GOALS
Jason,21

Normally drunk. Let’s get drinks

CONSEQUENTIAL
Michael,22

I’m Michael. Solid 6″4. I got fired as the Mickey mouse at Disney. Apparently you can’t be drunk on the job.

JOBLESS DRUNK, COOL!
Thomas,21

Drunk me is everything sober me strives to be: happy, confident, sociable, funny, and most importantly drunk.

GENIE WITH A BOTTLE
Ryan,21

I enjoy long walks on the beach. But I love getting really drunk so most times I don’t even remember being on the beach.

HE WILL REMEMBER YOU, THOUGH. MAYBE.
Darren,25

“You nicknamed me Pistol, I called you Joben… It means nothing… I don’t… I’m drunk. I’m gonna call a cab” – my life motto

ROGER, PISTOL
Alan,26

Interesting facts about me:
– I accidentally instigated a Pentagon investigation into a multi-billion dollar contract.
– There was a period of time that I commuted to work in a rented plane.
– I once got lost in a desert during a sandstorm while drunk, shoeless, shirtless, hypothermic, and dehydrated

YET YOU ARE STILL HERE

However, setting out to write your bio WHILE under the influence might result in a P.U.I for you from the opposite sex. Being drunk might be the best thing you are good at, but is that really the way you want to introduce yourself? Many people use Tinder and alcohol at the same time. They write bios, swipe continuously and get into conversations. The outcome is outstanding:

Eric,25

Hey is this love? Or am I drunk?

NO BUDDY, THIS IS TINDER
Jennifer,21

There’s a 70% chance I’m drunk…

ELSE SHE IS SLEEPING
Kimberly,21

I’m too drunk to taste this chicken. No really, it’s not a quote. I am. And this is not chicken. Why am I writing my Tinder bio right now?

CHICKEN MYSTERIES
Erik,20

Nerd AF. lol jk I just like autistic. I’m not smart. Dude you came this far. 6′, if that matters. HATE CRAYONS. I’ll fight you. The sound of a distant train is sick. I love fucking DYING right?? I am so super drunk.

IF YOU ARE NOT, SWIPE LEFT
Tom,22

Always on my worst behavior. I’m that guy that says “wow, we got way too drunk last night” when I’m the only one who got way too drunk last night. I obviously Need a driver. Or an AA sponsor… Any takers?

AA…PLENTY
Jessica,32

Good news, you definitely can’t be worse than the first & last person I met here! Hates hierarchy/society/probably you/rules/etc. and so forth. Vegan. Queer. Poly. Anarchist. Unemployed. Usually drunk, like now. Prob older. I’m basically yr parents dream. If you post yr weight, height or list one of yr interests as traveling or pizza, I def hate you.

WIFE MATERIAL

An article from the Independent analysed sober dating, actually highlighting the many pros and the few theoretical cons of it. According to the author, perks will include actually remembering what your date said (both long and short term) and being more balanced when it comes to managing the outcome (read: fewer drunk texts after the dates).

sober_date_stats
Unfortunate enough to have the curse of being a teetotal, I, for one, can testify that it’s all true, and yet this in no way helps my dating life. Even taking for granted that the results from this paper’s polls represent reality (I find it hard to believe 18% of people don’t drink amongst their reader), all I can see is the enormous percentage of those ruling out people like me just because I won’t down alcohol on a first date (or ever for that matter). Yet, I understand them: in certain cultures social interaction, when not mediated by booze or set rules, is difficult; even more so when they* have to meet someone from “the internet”. Dating can be an anxious business and a cocktail or two might help both parties to loosen up a bit. Besides, going for drinks involves minimum commitment, it is less formal and the beverage is likely to help soften our social selves and be more relaxed.

Ed,28

Looking for someone to look at like I look at whiskey.

ROMANTIC ED
Mel,33

Whiskey, wit, and wonder: my favorite evening www prefix

WWW DOT MEL
Robert,33

6’1 and a fine wine connoisseur. I never use this sober.

METHODICAL
Shannon,33

Disclaimer: I have a tendency to tinder after drinking

TINDERING HABITS
Jackie,24

I am In an open relationship with Jack. Daniel’s.

PRACTICALLY FREE
Wendy,25

Outdoorsy in the sense that I like to get drunk on patios.

THAT IS PATIOLOGIC

Many of us make impromptu decisions while drunk. Rarely, if ever, has anyone had a great idea that looked the same to their sober selves just a few hours later. All of a sudden, installing Tinder or paying for an upgrade doesn’t seem like a bad idea anymore. Indeed, being at home tipsy is the worst that can happen to anyone and Tinder means company. Some even use a preventive approach:

Charlie,19

Drunkenly payed for tinder please make fun of me for this.

HA HA HA. DONE. NEXT.
Brandon,25

If i swipe right then you should be drunk enough to do the same.

DRUNK SWIPING
Thomas,22

“Swipe right until your thumb falls off” -A wise drunk man
Only as soon as you’ve burned your final bridge will you understand what happiness truly means

PERKS OF PAYING
Matt,25

I use Tinder to judge people. I rarely send any messages at all unless I’m very drunk.

IN VINUM, JUDGEMENT
Ashley,19

Please leave your name and number and I’ll get back to you when I’m drunk and lonely

TINDERING MACHINE
Eddie,21

Once punched a hole through a window while pretending 2 b superman. Drunk life.

YEAH BUT DID YOU FLY?

So before leaving you to think about how much and what to drink on your next date, a final warning (not the drink responsibly, that was already explicit)… They say Red bull can make you fly, but how high can alcohol take you? Jim has the answer:

Jimmy,25

I swear to drunk I am God

ALL HAIL THE DRINK

*This article uses US profiles and the data in the graph -taken from the Independent- as well as the personal views are UK related. It is nice to note however that many of these statements don’t hold the same degree of truth in other countries, where you are less likely to be judged on your drinking attitude, simply because the “booze” culture is less prominent.


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