Where to swipe | Enter the weirdzone: the creepiest Tinder profiles ever
Explore the weirdest side of Tinder with us! Straight out of the straitjacket and on...to a dating app. The introductory chapter to the collection of the craziest and creepiest profiles ever written on Tinder.
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ENTER THE WEIRDZONE

The dark side of Tinder profiles

 

Every woman on Tinder can testify that creeps seem to subscribe to the app en masse. However, we were stunned to see the number of profiles that transcended the simply strange, and enter the weirdzone never to go out again. But before we start, here’s a fun fact: the worst fear of women meeting men on dating apps is… to get killed

McKenzie,28

I like to make jokes about my last name but not here because I’m scared of murderers

ONE JOKE AND YOU’LL DIE
Derek,39

And now I’m on Tinder… Please for the love of God ladies don’t be a serial killer!

AND THAT BRINGS US TO SINEAD…
Sinead,21

I want to sleep with you. No, I don’t mean have sex. I mean sleep. Together. Under a blanket. In your bed. While you’re laying on my arm, with my other hand on your tummy. with the window cracked, so it’s chilly and we have to cuddle closer. No talking, just the muffled cries that you slowly let seep away from your blood gurgling mouth as I slit your throat and sacrifice your worthless life to the dark overlord.

A TOTAL SLIT
Josh,22

“I would kill on Tinder” -psychopath, blending in perfectly.

THANKS FOR THE REMINDER

Some of those may be unsettling, and many of those make heavy use of swearwords (if you are not 18, or are easily offended or spooked out, you shouldn’t be here in the first place). So if you are ready, brace yourselves and let’s enter the weirdzone together…

Peter,20

I am deeply interested in the study of butterflies. I believe them to be the most beautiful of birds and often kill and peg them to boards and display them for all to see! My favourite swearword is “button” but I only use it when I avery frazzled. When I grow up, I aspire to be either a professional LARPer, or possibly a seagull. My favourite activities include domesticating caribou (you should try it!) and wearing a fake beard that I purchased at Salvation Army ($2, what a steal!).

THIS WENT DOWNHILL FAST
Nick,26

Anti-fuck-man, here to fight the fuzz for forests, freedom and fountain drinks. Hoo baby, grad school is a holy dooley, but I got a fast car and we can be in Kansas City drinking fuzzy navals by sunrise. I’m manufacturing the 5th horseman for a cataclysmic strike of spite. Gonna free the earthlings and dab the juice from my maw with your football jersey. Accidental real estate mogul. Subtler suit-neck-breaker (sh!) Engineer. Programmer. Anarcho-syndicalyst. Vegetarian. Get at me.

YEAH, GET AT HIM!
Paul,20

I’m allergic to sunlight, fun and compassion. Don’t look at me or touch me and we can be bffs.
I don’t know where I live, or who’s president, or what year it is so if you see me on the street, high five me and just walk away (I can’t control the rabies or the rabbis).
I’m 2 kool for skull and god hates me HMU in the twitter I don’t have.

WANNA BE MY FRIEND?
Milton,30

My attainment will be your arraignment, I will always come stronger come harder go further go farther….hahaha my aunt was the martyr…representin fam from here 2 kingdom come two worlds is where I’m from; one the native land the other from that sexy sand…never will I demand….more than was asked of me….the toll to gain my experience…I praise God it wasn’t free!!!!!

THAT BIT ABOUT HIS AUNT IS HUNTING ME

Despite men obviously outnumbering women in the crazy department, it would be a major mistake to underestimate women’s propensity for weirdness.

Laura,27

I wasn’t like every other kid. I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere’s a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who’s a hero. The music that he’s created over the years – I don’t really listen to it. But the fact that he’s making it, I respect that.

I RESPECT YOU
Jessica,18

Forget the real name: you have to call me Dragon. My freak flag is always flying. I like drinking, short walks to the refrigerator and dancing on elevated surfaces. Washed up sorority bitch. Was voted Most Likely to Get Arrested by my peers– twice. I’m not quite sure how to adult.

MOTHER OF DRAGON, SEIZE THAT PHONE
April,30

Do you want me to flush you down a human sized toilet? No cops.

NO COPS
Gemma,22

I AM NOT A GIRL but Tinder won’t let me say otherwise. non-binary person. hard femme/hellcat/warboy/gender outlaw. they/them pronouns. Don’t be a jerk. painting/fighting/embroidery/Netflix and kill I am not happy or well adjusted. Only fucking weirdos swipe right please. I do not give a tuppenny fuck how tall you are/how much you can lift, BRO. no normals, points for lots of tattoos, bonuses if they are poorly executed. I don’t want to hook up with you I want to fall in love.

NO HOOKUPS

 

We created a series of posts called  “WTP – Bad profile ideas“to keep you up to date with the best (or maybe worst in this case) we can find. Enjoy!


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