Where to swipe | Crazy and creepy Tinder profiles - Part 1
Straight out of the straitjacket and on...to Tinder. The first chapter in the collection of the craziest and creepiest profiles ever written on Tinder.
Tinder, profile, crazy, funny, creepy, scary, creep, openers, bio, epic
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PART 1

David,42

I’m on the Endangered Species List. A couple Chromosomes, some DNA,,,,,and well la!! Here I am. a few things about me,,,,,,I have a great dane Lucian,, Chai rules!!! and i drink a lot of water and tea too….i doodle…color is good; i like Cobalt Blue,Kaminski AND Kawasaki Green….Will consistantly throws my heart in a blender… think hallucinegenics are the greatest thing known to man even though ive only partaken a few times, love Art, Tattoos, hot rods, rat rods, pin-up girls, and music!!!!…want to get tattoos to cover a good portion of my body, and peircings turn me on as well as on other people…the interconnectedness of the universe is fascinating to me….i like to sing , when no one is around mainly in my truck and not the shower…don’t mind pagans but cant stand Satanists who are members of an organization for non joiners, i think someone missed the point.i suffer from being surounded by morons………I’ve seen Mexico and san antonio in texas will forever by my real home,,including many differant countries…..i don’t care about where i buy my dickies., reading is fundamental,,, i like the right side of the bed….Adam West is a sexy beast in his tight costume, i dont wear makeup very offen,….yet.. phsycopaths are a fun hobby/field of study, I’m really a bat demon in disguise,,,,, my eyes change color from green to gold depending how bright it is, and I’m really a blonde too…hmmm….a trickster can kick an evil doers ass any day, i wasn’t questioning the reality of your wits,,, i give good massages but they cost a nickel,..Thoth and Anubis are two of my favorite gods…physical pain is easy to handle…….watching old star trek while drinking is an A+, dressing up in costume and going to a convention is a F-..Angelina Jolie (insert drool here)….I LOVE baja trails camping AND offroading but always get stuck with people who only have cars…i think every one wishes they had the silver spoon in their mouth………ok you talked me into it…I’ll say more.Lucifer, Fenrir & Kali form my trinity…….I’m hot summer days……I’m a coset wearin can-can kinda man myself…everyone needs more tats & steel….bdsm, tried it,,,,had tons o fun….perversity is the spice of life….the 70′ AAR Cuda with a 427 /blower supercharger is my future wife and lover….i like music of all kinds!!!… beauty is in the eye of the beholder…i like red lights on blue walls….i just learned the life lesson of how being nice can just get you fu*ked over again and again

WHERETOSWIPE.COM
Chris,19

Badaboom, realistic guy in the room. And you can’t teach that! I put the chill in no chill. Don’t worry, if they found Nemo they’re gonna find Dory. I work full time but spend all my money on dumb stuff. Lit my face on fire once so I you could say I’m pretty hot. My mom told me Tinder girls will give me STDs but it’s cool I just got tested.

WHERETOSWIPE.COM
Dieter,20

If you’re a bot, swipe left. I have attractive friends you’ll fall in love with. The odds of you swiping right are already very slim. The odds of us actually talking if you do are practically non existent. Buy hey, if you’ve read this far, now you have to swipe right. Unless you don’t want to. You probably don’t. Or maybe yes? I am very confused.

WHERETOSWIPE.COM
Sean,33

I hate laughing and don’t even get me started on happiness I want a relationship that is so emotionally draining that our entire lives become irrelevant to the possessive obsession with the fifth dimension that binds all things we call love. Dolphins are the most evil creatures in the universe. Kill mother nature before she kills you. IRL I’m 6’5 I prefer to swim, so I don’t think it counts. I miss AUS but I’m not Aussie. Soul Stealer.

WHERETOSWIPE.COM
Adam,25

I have zero aspirations and kinda just want to be dead. People pay to see me naked. People also call me dad. I’m DTF anyone but Juggalos. I’m prob too busy playing pokemon go. Ill cry over music before i ever cry over you. If you can leave bruises on me or give me a black eye you can fu*k with me. I’m really just here to get beat up. I run an ass eating business out of the alleyway behind my apartment when not working.

WHERETOSWIPE.COM
John,29

Will strip for ice cream – Yes I’m Italian & Greek..no I’m not in the mafia – My Greekness is your weakness I fell in love with Chipotle Dad jokes are my forte I once poured Pepsi into a Coca Cola glass, ZERO REGRETS My microwave goes from 100 to 59… real quick My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am I used to have superpowers.. but a therapist took them away.

WHERETOSWIPE.COM
Gregory,37

I only cry when wizards sacrifice themselves. I like turtles as well.

WHERETOSWIPE.COM
Mel,28

I often chant in candle light while rocking back and forth on the floor.

WHERETOSWIPE.COM
Willy,31

Let’s sauce in the tub together, ya dig? splishy splashy, giggle giggle.

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Janine,25

Does Tinder exist on a parallel universe? I would literally pay aliens to abduct me, would you?

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George,31

I can teach you how to choke someone unconscious using your legs (1st date goals)

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Elie,21

Let’s make a fragile human connection in the vast and unfeeling infinity of a chaotic universe

WHERETOSWIPE.COM

 

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